Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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