he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize