nut hugger
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Randomize
