i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
