He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
