could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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