Christians are straight up FREAKS
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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