She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Randomize
