She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
