I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize