bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
