The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
