Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
