I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
