I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
