so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
