Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
