just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
