Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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