It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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