I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
