i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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