hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
They are going to name an STD after you.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
