Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
