I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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