btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
