I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize