so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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