just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
