You're my little dorito
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
