I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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