Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
