went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
