is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
