So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
