My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize