he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
