No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
