I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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