So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
