dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
