This house was built for laser tag.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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