Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
