Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
