The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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