The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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