I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize