I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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