# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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