i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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