"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
