Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
