Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
