well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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