So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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