She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
