So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
