We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
