I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
it's like heaven, but drunker
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize