You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
