ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
