So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize