we have officially lost it.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I am mentally ready for anal.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
