If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
