This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize