My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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