honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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