So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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