I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
We named our party play list daddy issues
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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