Dual....:-)
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
