apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
