dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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