tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
