I can tuck mytits in my pants
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
