im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
So apparently I’m into choking now
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