Whats the glycemic index on semen?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
