you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
